Friday, April 29, 2011

3 Weeks!

For the next three weeks I get to..

Miss Duke like crazy
Fall in love with Arizona again
Spend quality with my amazing friends
Get coffee with my mom every morning
Eat all my favorite foods
Send back pictures to make my friends jealous in Erie ;)
Drive a red bug
Have great dates at tea infusion- with tons of bobba
Hike. hike. hike.

It feels so good to be home.

Monday, April 25, 2011


It seems appropriate that with the change of season- some things are coming to an end, while others are just beginning. 

 Erie chapters are starting to close, while Ohio doesn't seem so far away-and Arizona is even closer. 

Last Thursday was my last official day in the office- although I'm going to continue to work some from home-I'm going to miss the daily office buzz. I'm going to miss some great people and all of our funny memories. 

My friend Emily started at BFF one day after I did and we have barely spent one day apart- we got to travel to many beautiful (random) townships of PA and interview nonprofits for the Nonprofit Profile Project together. We were partners. I saw her substantially more than I did Duke- I will miss her so much!

Easter was an amazing day yesterday! Duke and I drove to Toledo late Saturday night to celebrate the engagement of Jon (Duke's brother) and Corrin!! They played such an important role in our engagement- there was no way we could not support them. Duke told Jon we couldn't make it because of a test- so to be able to surprise them and show them our love was so much fun!! She looked absolutely beautiful- glowing from head to toe- and I cannot wait to have her as a future sister. P.S. her ring is breathtaking!!

I can't believe I'm packing my bags for Arizona tonight. I'm so so happy to see my family and friends- but I'm going to miss Duke so much-obviously. Although our schedule isn't perfect, I love it more days than I hate it, and anytime is better than no time in my book. 
However there is an end in sight- May 27th. That day is going to scream freedom- the day Duke conquers the boards. Only a month and 2 days away!! 

Prayers would be so appreciated. 
Happy Reading:) 

Friday, April 8, 2011


I hate today. I absolutely hate the date of April 8th. (sorry if today is your birthday) but today could possibly be the worst day of my life. In this post I desire to share the story of my dad. This is going to be a long, heartfelt post, so you have permission to turn around and leave now. 

I have always wanted to put into words what this day means- but I get severe anxiety and sharp stomach pains when i try to bring up  the memories. I promised myself I was going to write this post straight through- without erasing much- therefore there are going to be errors in sentences but it's going to be honest and straightforward.

I want to start by sharing a little bit about my father.
He was so amazing. My father was the most self-LESS man in the world. It can be traced back to his twenties when he left his family to come to America to create a life for himself. He worked so unbelievably hard to receive his masters while working 2 kitchen jobs and juggling being a husband/father. Even when I was a little girl I can remember him giving- it didn't matter if it was time, money, clothes- he would give anything for anyone.

My father was diagnosed with cancer when I was in 6th grade. By God's grace he went into remission after surgery/treatment and was cancer free for 5 years. When I was in 10th grade he was re-diagnosed with liver cancer- a more aggressive kind. My father was a fighter- he tried it all- surgery, radiation, 20 different types of chemo- he never wanted to give up. He never shared his struggle though- never expressed how much he hurt- never expressed his anxiety, thoughts, or fears- and that is something I deeply regret not learning. 

I lost my father on April 8th, 2008. That is a day I will never forget. I knew I was going to miss him - but i never fully understood the magnitude of it all. This past year I have needed my dad- maybe more than other years. There are so many questions I still need to ask-so many lessons I still need to learn. If I knew- I would have loved him so much better-and I hate feeling like I didn't do all that I could. 

The last thing I want to say is please love. do not forget to love. There are so many things I wish I could have done differently- more time I wish I would have spent- more questions I wish I would have asked. I have learned and grown from this experience so much that sometimes I feel like I'm 40 and I've missed my twenties. I just hope I can express respectfully that life is not forever, and we are not promised beautiful, healthy lives. Please choose love. Life is too short to choose hate. 

 I think I needed to write this more for me, but thank you for baring with me. I can only hope I have conveyed my feelings in a way that pushes you to realize that love is greater than anything else. Even the last words my dad said to my mom was I love you. It was so beautiful.

The last LAST thing I would like to say is despite everything I know my father is in heaven and that gives me so much peace. I am thankful he is with the Lord, free from cancer and pain. Believing that truth brings light into this situation- knowing I will see him one day- and I cannot wait.

Ps. this post is called Kosmo because that was my nickname for my dad. I loved it and I know he did too.

Thursday, April 7, 2011

Wedding Bells

Last month I got to go home to Arizona. I LOVE Arizona this time of year-I know Arizonans do not take this time for granted- for they soon know they will be burning their hands on their steering wheels and getting dehydration headaches daily. But March, if only it could slow down and last all year.

2 out of the 3 times I’ve been home this year were for weddings- best friend weddings!

I should preface this by saying after my wedding (which I loved) I realized a lot of the planning went towards hoping the guests would have a good time- cocktail hour, dinner choices, song choices, etc! I have definitely learned to enjoy/appreciate weddings a tad more after I planned one!

Needless to say I was SO excited for Kays wedding! Kay and I had been friends for 4 years, since the very first day of college! Kay’s wedding was the first outdoor wedding that I have seen in a long time. The weather couldn’t have been better, and she had every detail perfectly planned.I can't describe- it's a must see-
Check out her pictures here:

It’s just been such an honor being a witness for 2 of my close friends and seeing them exchange their vows- the biggest promise of their lives!  I am so thankful that we can all be in the same boat- riding through life’s stages together! I’m just wondering who’s going to have the first baby!! (That’s a scary thought)

On a different note- I’m a little nervous about tomorrow. Tomorrow marks my Daddy’s three year anniversary (?) date of when he passed. This week has been exceptionally difficult as I try to deal with missing him so much. I will post more openly tomorrow- but I’m a little nervous for it to come and go- three years has been a long time without my Dad.